dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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