This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
