the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
