return my video game
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
