He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
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Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.