Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....