moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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