I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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