Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience

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  (905): In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience http://tfl.nu/48b7
  Replies (125) Good night (5880) Bad night (1414)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now

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  (214): We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now http://tfl.nu/hu2y
  Replies (3) Good night (2092) Bad night (986)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.

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  (940): Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses. http://tfl.nu/a1yl
  Replies (11) Good night (3772) Bad night (955)
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  (916): View more from California

  You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.

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  (916): You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito. http://tfl.nu/1uk0
  Replies (8) Good night (2221) Bad night (663)
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  (530): View more from California

  Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking

  (530): View more from California

  That could use a little rephrasing

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  (530): Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking (530): That could use a little rephrasing http://tfl.nu/xfz9
  Replies (5) Good night (1931) Bad night (854)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.

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  (610): How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you. http://tfl.nu/fpwy
  Replies (8) Good night (2561) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.

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  (972): I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break. http://tfl.nu/fgur
  Replies (13) Good night (2113) Bad night (658)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.

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  (407): And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight. http://tfl.nu/v0lu
  Replies (12) Good night (731) Bad night (968)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo

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  (980): Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo http://tfl.nu/82bd
  Replies (1) Good night (1058) Bad night (475)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.

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  (208): Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order. http://tfl.nu/2umc
  Replies (3) Good night (482) Bad night (677)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.

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  (301): I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go. http://tfl.nu/3bnd
  Replies (2) Good night (776) Bad night (342)
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  (805): View more from California

  GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!

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  (805): GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?! http://tfl.nu/avuc
  Replies (4) Good night (493) Bad night (360)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise

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  (973): You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise http://tfl.nu/rwe2
  Replies (1) Good night (996) Bad night (349)
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  (323): View more from California

  I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..

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  (323): I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI.. http://tfl.nu/w8q4
  Replies (3) Good night (604) Bad night (394)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.

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  (785): Let's go get coffee and handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/ziou
  Replies (2) Good night (490) Bad night (169)

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