i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
