You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?