Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
