dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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