Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
