It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
