toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
