Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
