Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
