Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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