Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
