the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
