hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
