As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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