If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
