I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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