I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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