birth control should be required to get into college
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
