Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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