and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
