you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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