i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No subtext here. People are naked.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
