mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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