Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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