dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
