Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
