I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
