i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
