A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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