One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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