I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
