You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
