Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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