We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
