I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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