I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
