I'm gonna have a badass scar
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
