i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
