Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
