I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
