all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
