I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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