i permit you to call me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
