I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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