Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
