how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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