So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
