I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
