For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
