Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
