If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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