I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and she was petting her beer can
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize