member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
