it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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