i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
