This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
