why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
