I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
