He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
