Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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