I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
