You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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