Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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