That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I just sharted jello shots
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
