i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
